In March I had an interview for quite a big Finnish newspaper about living my dreams (you can find it here!). In the middle of the article it says: “Saahko knows that some of her dreams are quiet funny. For instance, she wants to perform in a musical one day, even though she doesn’t have any experience. Still, she talks about her dreams openly.”
To be honest, this really bothered me. Someone who didn’t know judged my abilities. And that’s the biggest problem that leads to self-doubt. Social media, negative peers, comparison, outside influences, that’s what feeds our insecurities. And as much as we dream of something… we know that we’re grown up now, we don’t live in Neverland, we can’t just fly away and go on adventures when we want to. We can dream of things that will never happen. That’s because we don’t think like we did as children. But… why?
This summer was a step to show myself (and that journalist too!!) that I can just as well do what I have been dreaming of. Yes, I have been dreaming of being in a musical. To show you how much I love acting, singing and dancing I could ask you to go through my webbrowser history of the past 15 years. The search terms that would pop up most often would be: “drama schools” or “study musical theatre” (I’m really embarrassed admitting this!).
But how come I’m 24 and haven’t studied musical theatre despite googling it year after year after year (since being approximately 11 years old)? Fear. Self-doubt. Insecurities. I still think that whilst I can surely sing right, I’m not sure if I can sing beautifully. I’m out of training when it comes to dance. Acting is my biggest strength, but when I get nervous, you can really see it. But is it really that way? How can I know if I haven’t done it for years?
And don’t mind stupid insecurities! This is what I want to tell you. As a child we never doubted ourselves. Our parents never said “you can’t do it”. So why do we say it to ourselves? Growing up doesn’t mean giving up life as an adventure! If you’re not happy, or not doing what you always dreamt about – now is the time to change it! Now is the time to do something mildly crazy! And you know what? No person made history by staying quiet, fitting in and doing what everyone expected him to do. And it is okay to not know where you’re going in life – as long as life at the moment makes you happy.
So to come back to the article: this summer I finally said “screw you!” to my self doubt and went to study musical theatre in London. I got to act, dance and sing all day every day. I can’t even begin to express how fully, deeply happy I was! And I was confirmed that this is something that I want to keep doing FOR EVER. And everyone around me is so supportive! So once I go back to London in two weeks I will make sure to sign up for all the dance and acting classes available. And who knows where that will initially lead me? I will keep you posted…
PS: If you don’t know what I’m talking about or just want to see me incredibly happily acting, singing and dancing, make sure to watch my vlogs on my YouTube channel! (and for some old acting pics, click here!)