My heart starts pounding, I don’t know what I should do, I don’t know how I should react or if I should react at all, I grind my teeth, I feel like crying, then I miss the chance and feel bad the entire day. The entire day, or even longer. Until the thing is solved really. Which is just when the new issue will come up and the feelings start all over again. That’s what my anxieties make me like.
I must be one of the most positive, happy, jumpy 23-year-old girls you can find. If I like you, I will be very bubbly and overflowing with things to talk about. Which makes it so hard for some people to understand, that that’s not always the way I am.
I am afraid of things. And those things cause me the panicky feeling I just described. Talking about this makes me feel completely silly, because I know most people out there won’t understand. I am afraid of phone calls. I can’t call anyone, I don’t pick the phone up if someone calls, and if it’s not my very close friends, I usually can’t even listen to voice messages. Not even on Whatsapp. It will take me several days to open a voice message if I’m not sure what it will be about and sometimes I will have my sister listen to them before I do, just in order to check that they’ll be alright. Isn’t it silly?
The next thing I am afraid of is even worse, because it makes an impact on my finance situation. I am extremely afraid of booking flights. Or any trips, really. I am never sure if the day or flight I chose is the best possible option or if I should go for a different day after all – or not book at all! Which always means that I will keep struggling, panicking, sweating, discussing, rethinking things for days until the flight prices go up so high that it makes me completely broke. Alone this year I have had to skip three entire trips just because I didn’t manage to book in time and then the flights ended up being around 500€ (starting at 180€ or so!).
I don’t like people I don’t know. I’m not really outgoing and won’t really talk to you if I don’t know you – suddenly bubbly happy little Lottie will turn into the girl standing in the corner. Which is silly – that was proven last Saturday when a friend dragged me along to meet completely new people and despite my hiding in the beginning, we ended up having a fab time! Different than other people struggling with anxieties, I am not afraid of talking in front of a lot of people though. Actually I’m pretty comfortable doing that. Thank god for that!
But what’s way more important – I need to cope with those situation that make me uncomfortable. There’s no way around them. And there are three things that I have started doing in order to get there.
- See the big picture. Does it make a huge difference if I fly a day earlier or later? What will I remember in half a year? Usually it doesn’t make a difference – so why bother?
- Remember how I’ll feel afterwards. I will be relieved. The anxiety will be over. The struggle will be put behind me. It all will turn into something wonderful. So why not try to get there asap?
- Talk to someone. Usually it’s enough to tell my little sister that I’m not able to do a phone call or book a flight. Or open mail (especially bills!). She doesn’t even have to say much – I myself will realize how silly the situation is! 😛
Number 2 is most helpful. The knowledge of feeling good afterwards. But I have to admit, I do have some natural anti-anxiety medication as well. It helps me calm down and get to a point where I can think logically again. And I keep putting myself into those situations in the hope that one day I will be so used to them that they won’t scare me anymore.
What about you, lovely people out there? Do you have any of these issues and moreover, do you have tips for me? Let’s help each other!
Love you lots,